It would be fair to say that a feeling of acceptance is an almost universal desire for humans. We are social creatures, we evolved to survive in communities and small groups. Part of that is fitting in with peers, gaining the respect of your peers, and we view that as a measure of our success. The desire to belong is coded in our DNA.
There is one small problem with that… well, it might not actually be that small a problem. This need to fit in, this desire to be liked often overrides everything and takes center stage. We start to think that what everyone else thinks is the most important thing. It has grown even more important than what you think about yourself. Talk about taking a wrong turn!
You get dressed in the morning and you think about what others might think about your selection. After a conversation, you analyze every word that was spoken to determine whether you made a good impression, whether you were interesting enough, or if you were lacking.
That’s exhausting.
You might be a people-pleaser. You put everyone else first, you constantly offer a shoulder for others, but you keep your own pain bottled up. You don’t want to burden others, but you want them to lighten their load.
That’s draining.
Perhaps you go out of your way to seem cool, you work extra hours so you’re viewed as productive, you make changes to your look so people view you as attractive, or you keep climbing the career ladder so people deem you successful.
That’s shattering.
Where did this anxiety come from? Why is it that some of us are so vulnerable to this habit than others? Why are you more worried about people liking you than you are about liking yourself? It comes down to that, when you’re caught up seeking approval of others you can bet you don’t have your own. You seek that validation anywhere.
For a lot of people, this feeling comes from the past. Someone, or something, made you believe that affection is conditional. It’s something you don’t deserve so you have to fight for it. You’re filled with a sense of shame when you inevitably fall short of this standard. If you had a healthy self-image, you would be asking yourself how you can improve. If you don’t… then you will continue to ask what will everyone think?
Guess what? That’s none of your business. That might sound ridiculous, but their opinions of you are their problem, not your problem. You have your own stuff to deal with.
If you stand up to give a presentation to a group of people there will be people who dislike your outfit, but those who love it. There will be people disinterested in the topic you’re discussing and others who are into it. Some of them will dismiss you offhand based on how they judge you, others will buy into what you’re discussing.
There are a million reasons why people will react the way they do. No matter how they view you… you’re only one person. They are all seeing the same version of you, but they are all perceiving you differently. It doesn’t matter what you do, some people will dislike you. That’s okay. The key is that you reach a point where you don’t care what they think.
Whether they like you or not, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you like yourself. On that note, let’s talk about how to stop worrying about whether people like you or not.
Your Values
When you know your values it’s like having a high-powered headlamp guiding you through the darkest parts of the woods. Maybe a normal flashlight will get you where you’re going, but you will likely come out the other end scratched up after taking several wrong turns. The brighter the light the easier it is to navigate life.
Your values are that guiding light. When you make decisions, they should align with your values and as long as you’re being true to those values, you will be on the right track. What do you value? The more you know about yourself, the less likely you will be to worry about what others think about you.
Your Business
Stay in your lane and worry about your business. You don’t need to get involved in what’s going on with everyone else. When you do that, you get caught up trying to compete.
When someone cuts you off in traffic and you react in anger… that’s your business. When your co-worker is running late, and you get irritated in response… that’s your business. If you’re caught up worrying about what your boss thinks about you… that’s your business.
Stop Caring What Others Think
By James Umber
It should be their business, but you decided to insert yourself and react. Think about whose business you’re inserting yourself into and work harder to stay focused on your own.
Your Feelings
Speaking of your business, you’re the only person who owns your emotions and feelings. When you worry about what others think you’re allowing their opinions to influence your emotions. You’re giving them control over your life. You’re allowing them to be your puppeteer. They pull the strings and you react, feeling positively or negatively. You feel bad when someone ignores you and you blame them for that emotion. It’s you who controls those emotions. You can feel it, but don’t hold onto that feeling. Correct yourself and take ownership of those feelings.
Your Best
How much time do you spend kicking yourself because you didn’t come up with the right response seven years ago? Or, you said something silly, showed up late, wore odd socks, or forgot to color-coordinate your outfit? How frustrating!
We spend so much time kicking ourselves over the dumbest things. You feel as though you’ve fallen short and in response to that your inner-bully rears its ugly head and comes to put you down.
Ultimately, you want to do your best… it might not be enough. That’s okay. You don’t need to take failure to heart, you need to strengthen your self-confidence and self-belief. You don’t need to regret mistakes, failures, or slip-ups, you just need to learn and move forward. It doesn’t matter what other people think, what matters is that you know you tried.
Mistakes
To build on the last point, our culture doesn’t embrace discussing feelings. If we made a habit out of talking about how we feel, we would realize that we all have similar feelings about making mistakes. It feels terrible and sometimes we don’t try new things because we’re too terrified of falling flat on our faces in front of others.
You might be living aligned with your values. You might even be staying in your lane, trying your hardest, and doing your best. Guess what? You still might make mistakes.
It doesn’t matter.
Everyone makes mistakes and it doesn’t matter how hard you try to avoid them, you always will. Embrace it. Embrace the lesson and accept the opportunities. You will survive that failure and do better next time. You don’t need to worry about what other people think about your failure because everyone fails sometimes.
If you want to know the best course of action for changing your life, it’s to stop worrying about what other people think. You don’t need everyone to like you, you need to work on liking yourself. The rest will follow. Remember, what other people think of you is none of your business.
Source: medium.com
About The Author – George J. Ziogas
Manners will take you where money won’t | HR Consultant | OHS Specialist | Personal Trainer [email protected]
For More Related BLOGS:
Transitions and Changes in Your Life by Dr. Shannon Kolakowski, Psychologist and Author
Blog Companion Book
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