Our Real Attention Deficit: The Hunger for Attention
By Gregg Levoy
Everyone wants to be seen and heard. Every day we count likes, comments, and messages as if it is nothing, but did you ever stop to think why we need that? The need for attention has existed for centuries now.Â
It’s part of our nature and may depend on how much love and attention we received in childhood. Learning about the psychology of attention-seeking behaviour may help us to understand why we crave attention and approval so much, and why it is never enough.Â
In this blog, I am going to talk about the desire for attention, where it came from, how it shows up in our lives, and how we can feel better for ourselves.
Table of Contents:
What is the “spotlight effect,” and how does it affect the way we perceive others’ attention toward us?Â
What are common behaviors associated with seeking attention, and what emotions usually drive them?Â
What practical steps can someone take to feel more secure in themselves day to day?
What is the “spotlight effect,” and how does it affect the way we perceive others’ attention toward us?Â
The spotlight effect is feeling like people are watching us more than they actually are. We become more self-conscious in social situations due to this effect, although others are not necessarily focused on us.
In one study, some college students wore a T-shirt with a huge image of Barry Manilow in a class with a lot of other students. They then estimated that twice as many of their classmates had seen the T-shirt as actually had.Â
This suggests our mind’s ability to deceive us about how much others are watching us. Most people are so busy thinking about themselves that they don’t have time to watch us.
What are common behaviors associated with seeking attention, and what emotions usually drive them?Â
Some common attention-seeking tactics that people engage in include bragging, compliment-seeking, instigating fights, oversharing, playing the victim role, and taking an excessive number of selfies. Attention-seeking behavior is normally motivated by a set of emotions such as low self-esteem, loneliness, envy, or even love.
Points | Explanations |
Bragging or looking for compliments | Some people brag or look for compliments due to a lack of confidence in themselves. |
Making conflicts or being a pain | Some people try to get reactions from other people by inducing unnecessary conflicts. It’s the boredom, the need to be important. |
Posting too much or selfies | Some people post everything that is happening in their lives. It’s their way of asking whether people even see them. |
Playing the victim | People tend to exaggerate their circumstances to receive sympathy and attention from others. |
Overacting or being dramatic | Boredom, loneliness, jealousy, and the need to get affection are the sources that feed overreaction and drama all the time. |
What practical steps can someone take to feel more secure in themselves day to day?Â
Simple steps include being kind to yourself on a daily basis, setting realistic and achievable goals for yourself, avoiding comparing yourself to others on social media, maintaining a journal, engaging in activities that make you happy, and surrounding yourself with people who really care for you. These steps will eventually result in building inner self-confidence.
It will take some time to develop such behaviours, but it will make a difference bit by bit. Focus on how you feel about yourself and your own personal decisions, rather than trying to seek validation from others. In time, you will learn not to depend so much on the opinions of other people.
Redefining What It Means to Be NoticedÂ
It’s not really about likes or praise or fame. It’s about being really known and really loved for who we are. Happiness is not about getting attention; it’s about being known by the people who matter to us and accepting ourselves. When we stop seeking the approval of the world and begin to love ourselves, we stop seeking recognition and start seeking fulfillment and contentment.
About The Author
Gregg Levoy is the author of:
– Vital Signs: The Nature and Nurture of Passion (Penguin) and,Â
– Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life (Random House).Â
Gregg Levoy is the author of:Your Questions About Attention and Self-Worth, Answered
Attention is something people need, as it is the basic human instinct related to survival and connection with other humans. It typically starts in early childhood when attention and love from their parents seemed either not guaranteed or conditional.
Yes, in many ways, looking for attention is completely natural behavior. It motivates us to create and work hard. It turns into something negative only when people become obsessed with the need to be appreciated or do something dramatic to be noticed.
The use of social media has greatly intensified the need for attention. Today, likes, comments, and subscribers are the means of measuring one’s value and how people see and appreciate you.
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